Control | Tesia & Liz

Love is patient and love is kind.

How do you know when someone loves you? What does it feel like? And how do you know when you love someone?

It took me a while to recognize that I was over-identifying with my emotions. Society and culture tell you that your emotions are important and that all decisions should be centered around them. If something doesn’t feel good, don’t do it. If something feels good, then do it. And when it comes to relationships, people tell you to avoid certain people if they don’t make you feel good. It’s all about your emotions and controlling the people around you.

But is that true love? Is love really built on emotions alone? What kind of love does that look like? If we were to apply that same principle to a romantic relationship, no relationship would last. How can you live life continuously avoiding situations and people that don’t make you feel good? You would never grow as a person, you would never mature, and you would surround yourself in a bubble. You would never learn how to disagree well and you would never learn how to compromise. This attitude would breed narcissism.

Love can not and should not be based on what makes you feel good. It should be based on what is good for you. Love may also be correction and being held accountable for your wrongdoing. And rebuke does not feel good. But it is necessary for our growth. Love is not control, it is not pride, nor is it all about your feelings.

It took me a while to understand this concept, and to be honest I still struggle with it at times. As a weak human, I want to be told that I’m right and I want to prioritize my feelings. But that is not healthy, nor would it make me a particularly pleasant person to be around.